"How are you doing?"
To no surprise, I've probably heard these 4 words more than any other over the past 2 1/2 weeks.
"How are you doing physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc, etc....?" Please, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the genuine concern from my family and friends, and yet, at times I struggle to answer this question.
I desire to share with all of the people how I am doing, but each moment is different from the last. One moment I am carelessly playing with Aubri and her Little People wisemen and the next I am fighting back tears and trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat.
I want to be transparent (making myself more vulnerable than I am comfortable with) so that I can share with you how compassionate and trustworthy our faithful God is...
It has been a struggle for me to be around people. I recognize I am vulnerable and weak, and so I simply prefer to avoid the potentially emotional situations. Wes is encouraging me and I am forcing myself to go, but I have found that even the events that I always enjoy, such as care group, Bible study, and even checking the mail, are hard. I don't like wearing a fake smile. I don't want to act like I am healing quickly and my heart isn't broken. I don't want to feel as though I am standing still, stuck, while everyone else is busily carrying on with life. So, when someone asks, "How are you doing?" often times my eyes well up with tears.
Wes and I continuously share our struggles with one another and he shepherds my heart so well. He encourages me to stay focused on the Truth and we fight daily for the joy we have in Christ.
In spite of all my efforts to stay clear of potentially emotional situations, the Lord has ushered people into our lives and into our homes that we (or rather, I) may not have otherwise let in. For example, yesterday a friend called and I thought I was supposed to watch her daughter while she was at a dr. appt. so I answered. It turns out, she had found someone else to watch her little girl but wanted to call and check in on me. We talked for a few minutes about how I was doing, about our children, and her school.
It was encouraging. It was from the Lord.
I called my mom yesterday afternoon. I was having a "moment" and was hoping for some encouragement. I knew she was busy preparing for her company coming into town in a few days, but she stopped everything she was doing to encourage me. She spoke Truth. She said exactly what I needed to hear. It was from the Lord.
Yesterday evening, a friend of mine dropped by to bring me some fresh cut flowers from her yard. She stayed for awhile. We both shed a few tears. I am realizing more and more that's ok.
She cares. She loves us. It was an encouraging visit. It was from the Lord.
Last night, I reluctantly went to Bible study. It is a group made up of my closest friends. I felt myself steering clear of certain conversations that could end in uncontrollable tears. But, I listened to their stories and really laughed. We studied James Ch. 4 and my heart was encouraged in many ways. It was from the Lord.
Today, a lady from my church called during Aubri's naptime (which seems like the hardest part of my day...) and said she was in the area and would like to bring us a meal.
How thoughtful and encouraging. It was from the Lord.
I am reluctant to let people in because I don't trust my own emotions, but, God is showing me that even though I may not trust myself, I can trust Him, and in spite of my own weakness He is faithful to provide for me, to encourage me, and love me. He is graciously comforting me through His people by ushering them into our lives at those perfect moments. Thank you, Lord, for comforting me even though at times I try to avoid it. You are so compassionate. Although I am weak, you are always strong and faithful.
To no surprise, I've probably heard these 4 words more than any other over the past 2 1/2 weeks.
"How are you doing physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc, etc....?" Please, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the genuine concern from my family and friends, and yet, at times I struggle to answer this question.
I desire to share with all of the people how I am doing, but each moment is different from the last. One moment I am carelessly playing with Aubri and her Little People wisemen and the next I am fighting back tears and trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat.
I want to be transparent (making myself more vulnerable than I am comfortable with) so that I can share with you how compassionate and trustworthy our faithful God is...
It has been a struggle for me to be around people. I recognize I am vulnerable and weak, and so I simply prefer to avoid the potentially emotional situations. Wes is encouraging me and I am forcing myself to go, but I have found that even the events that I always enjoy, such as care group, Bible study, and even checking the mail, are hard. I don't like wearing a fake smile. I don't want to act like I am healing quickly and my heart isn't broken. I don't want to feel as though I am standing still, stuck, while everyone else is busily carrying on with life. So, when someone asks, "How are you doing?" often times my eyes well up with tears.
Wes and I continuously share our struggles with one another and he shepherds my heart so well. He encourages me to stay focused on the Truth and we fight daily for the joy we have in Christ.
In spite of all my efforts to stay clear of potentially emotional situations, the Lord has ushered people into our lives and into our homes that we (or rather, I) may not have otherwise let in. For example, yesterday a friend called and I thought I was supposed to watch her daughter while she was at a dr. appt. so I answered. It turns out, she had found someone else to watch her little girl but wanted to call and check in on me. We talked for a few minutes about how I was doing, about our children, and her school.
It was encouraging. It was from the Lord.
I called my mom yesterday afternoon. I was having a "moment" and was hoping for some encouragement. I knew she was busy preparing for her company coming into town in a few days, but she stopped everything she was doing to encourage me. She spoke Truth. She said exactly what I needed to hear. It was from the Lord.
Yesterday evening, a friend of mine dropped by to bring me some fresh cut flowers from her yard. She stayed for awhile. We both shed a few tears. I am realizing more and more that's ok.
She cares. She loves us. It was an encouraging visit. It was from the Lord.
Last night, I reluctantly went to Bible study. It is a group made up of my closest friends. I felt myself steering clear of certain conversations that could end in uncontrollable tears. But, I listened to their stories and really laughed. We studied James Ch. 4 and my heart was encouraged in many ways. It was from the Lord.
Today, a lady from my church called during Aubri's naptime (which seems like the hardest part of my day...) and said she was in the area and would like to bring us a meal.
How thoughtful and encouraging. It was from the Lord.
I am reluctant to let people in because I don't trust my own emotions, but, God is showing me that even though I may not trust myself, I can trust Him, and in spite of my own weakness He is faithful to provide for me, to encourage me, and love me. He is graciously comforting me through His people by ushering them into our lives at those perfect moments. Thank you, Lord, for comforting me even though at times I try to avoid it. You are so compassionate. Although I am weak, you are always strong and faithful.
4 comments:
We love ya'll!! What an encouragment you are to me!!
Thank you for you honesty, dear friend. We are still praying for you and miss you deeply, especially knowing that we can't help from here. We love you all so much!
Oh, Jenny... how I enjoy your writing. Your honesty with "how you are doing" is truly a testimony of God's love and work in you. I love you.
Jenny, you are so gifted and real when you write. You continue in our hearts, thoughts and prayers as the LORD works through you to inspire us all to a closer walk with Him. Have fun at your mom's and give her a hug for me, will ya? Have her give you one from me, too! Love you.
Aunt Beth
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