How are you doing?

"How are you doing?"

To no surprise, I've probably heard these 4 words more than any other over the past 2 1/2 weeks.
"How are you doing physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc, etc....?" Please, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the genuine concern from my family and friends, and yet, at times I struggle to answer this question.

I desire to share with all of the people how I am doing, but each moment is different from the last. One moment I am carelessly playing with Aubri and her Little People wisemen and the next I am fighting back tears and trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat.

I want to be transparent (making myself more vulnerable than I am comfortable with) so that I can share with you how compassionate and trustworthy our faithful God is...

It has been a struggle for me to be around people. I recognize I am vulnerable and weak, and so I simply prefer to avoid the potentially emotional situations. Wes is encouraging me and I am forcing myself to go, but I have found that even the events that I always enjoy, such as care group, Bible study, and even checking the mail, are hard. I don't like wearing a fake smile. I don't want to act like I am healing quickly and my heart isn't broken. I don't want to feel as though I am standing still, stuck, while everyone else is busily carrying on with life. So, when someone asks, "How are you doing?" often times my eyes well up with tears.

Wes and I continuously share our struggles with one another and he shepherds my heart so well. He encourages me to stay focused on the Truth and we fight daily for the joy we have in Christ.

In spite of all my efforts to stay clear of potentially emotional situations, the Lord has ushered people into our lives and into our homes that we (or rather, I) may not have otherwise let in. For example, yesterday a friend called and I thought I was supposed to watch her daughter while she was at a dr. appt. so I answered. It turns out, she had found someone else to watch her little girl but wanted to call and check in on me. We talked for a few minutes about how I was doing, about our children, and her school.
It was encouraging. It was from the Lord.

I called my mom yesterday afternoon. I was having a "moment" and was hoping for some encouragement. I knew she was busy preparing for her company coming into town in a few days, but she stopped everything she was doing to encourage me. She spoke Truth. She said exactly what I needed to hear. It was from the Lord.

Yesterday evening, a friend of mine dropped by to bring me some fresh cut flowers from her yard. She stayed for awhile. We both shed a few tears. I am realizing more and more that's ok.
She cares. She loves us. It was an encouraging visit. It was from the Lord.

Last night, I reluctantly went to Bible study. It is a group made up of my closest friends. I felt myself steering clear of certain conversations that could end in uncontrollable tears. But, I listened to their stories and really laughed. We studied James Ch. 4 and my heart was encouraged in many ways. It was from the Lord.

Today, a lady from my church called during Aubri's naptime (which seems like the hardest part of my day...) and said she was in the area and would like to bring us a meal.
How thoughtful and encouraging. It was from the Lord.

I am reluctant to let people in because I don't trust my own emotions, but, God is showing me that even though I may not trust myself, I can trust Him, and in spite of my own weakness He is faithful to provide for me, to encourage me, and love me. He is graciously comforting me through His people by ushering them into our lives at those perfect moments. Thank you, Lord, for comforting me even though at times I try to avoid it. You are so compassionate. Although I am weak, you are always strong and faithful.

Celebration of Life- Parents Tribute

Last Saturday, friends and family gathered together to celebrate the life of our son. It was a beautiful time of worship, praise, and a clear presentation of the Gospel of Christ.
We were blessed and God was glorified.

As Wesley Adam's parents, we had a few things we wanted to share about our son, our journey with him, and the testimony he leaves imprinted on our hearts.

Wes read these words.

"In order to speak about the life of my son, I really need to back up and provide a brief context. It was six years ago today, Jen and I said “I do.” We covenanted together before our Lord, friends, and family that we would be married to one another, “ for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.” We recognized when we made these promises that it wasn’t our love per say that would sustain us through the good times and the hard times, but the sweet sustaining grace and love of our heavenly Father. He would be our Sustainer, our Comforter, our Healer, our Refuge, and our Foundation.

As Jen and I look back over these past six years, which, by the way, honey, have been wonderful blessings that only the Lord could give, ;). We see many ways in which the Lord graciously matured our thoughts and affections- kindly preparing our hearts for this day. Today. Today is the day that we have come together to celebrate one of the most precious gifts the Lord has ever given us. Today we celebrate the life of our son, Wesley Adam.

Let me share with you all just a couple of the ways through which the Lord prepared our hearts and faithfully demonstrated to us that He is our Portion. For the sake of time, I’ll start just a couple days prior to the Thursday doctor’s appointment when we found out Wesley Adam’s diagnosis.

First, I had been asked to preach here at Redeemer. I had been considering and praying through a few different texts, trying to decide which one to preach. I had been walking Jenny through each one, as a time of family worship as well as getting some feedback on her thoughts. The main texts that the Lord had laid on my heart were (to state briefly):
James 1:2-4 - the theology of trials
Hebrews 4:1-11 - there is rest available for those who faithfully respond to God's Word
Matthew 14:22-33 – there is one proper confession and response for the believer- Jesus is indeed the Son of God thus we should worship Him.
Indeed, during these sweet times as a family, our kind heavenly Father was preparing our hearts.
Second, Jen is in a weekly book study with a few of her good friends. At the time they were studying "Lord, I Want to Know You" by Kay Arthur. Due to a variety of reasons, the group had been on the same 2 chapters for almost a month. She had read and reread those 2 chapters for multiple weeks now and had even mentioned to me that she was ready to move forward. Apparently, our wise Lord was not. The chapters they had been studying were the names "Jehovah-Shalom"- The Lord is Peace and "Jehovah-mekoddishkem"- The Lord who sanctifies you. Indeed, the Lord knew Jen and I needed to know Him as a God of Peace and a God who sanctifies. Jen’s group finally discussed these two chapters on the Tuesday night before the Thursday when we received the news about the condition of our son.
Indeed, our Lord of peace was maturing our knowledge and understanding of Him- preparing our hearts for what He already knew and we would soon learn.
Next, on Thursday, we had a doctor’s appointment in order to find out if we were having a little boy or a little girl. I remember that morning, about 6:00am, Jen rolled over and said, “are you sleeping?” J I responded, “not anymore, sweetheart. What’s going on?” She said, “I can’t sleep- I’m so excited about our appointment today!” During the sonogram, our sonographer stepped out to "go get some more tape" and a minute or two later our nurse popped in the room. She was a little confused. Apparently, the sonographer told her that she needed to meet in our room with our doctor, but Jen and I were the only two in the room. We knew something was not right. She left the room to find out more information. We were given a small window of time to pray. Again, our gracious Father was preparing our hearts for the news.
Finally, driving home from the sonogram appointment, Jen and I were crying and mumbling random thoughts back and forth to each other trying to make sense of the situation, when from the backseat of our car, we heard the voice of a little angel, "Mom-ma" "Mom-ma." At that moment, our heads cleared and we were able to gather ourselves. You see, many months ago, our kind Lord gave us a precious gift, our first child Aubri Ruth. On that day, and many since then, the Lord used our sweet daughter as a means of grace to comfort our hearts.

When we arrived home from our sonogram appointment our hearts were broken. The Lord used many of our family members and brothers and sisters in the faith to read scripture, pray, and speak Truth over us. I will never forget the Christian compassion displayed by many toward my family and me. Indeed, the Lord used you all as a means of grace in our lives.

As you can imagine, these are merely a few examples of how our kind Lord prepared our heart for this situation. He has continuously shown His steadfast love to us throughout all 31 weeks.

In the days after, we struggled through both hoping and grieving. Yes, we were given a very grim diagnosis for our son and yet, he was still alive and kicking. We didn’t want to fill the days with tears, and yet, we couldn’t stop them. But, the Lord could. And he was so gracious to do so. Sure there were moments of sadness and grieving, but the Lord’s peace filled our hearts. He enabled us to truly enjoy every kick, every sleepless night, and every moment with our son. Thank you, Lord.

We knew our time with Wesley Adam might be limited, so we wanted to enjoy life with him. We took him to a couple Razorback football games where we jumped, cheered, and called those hogs. We took him to the hot, sandy beaches of Gulf Shores, AL, to the Big Apple to visit his aunt and uncle, and to CA to visit his great aunt/uncle, and cousins.

We probably enjoyed life with him the most in our home. His sister loves lotion. She learned very quickly, that if she asked to “lotion bubba” the answer would always be yes. Many times (a day, J) Bri would gently rub lotion on Jen’s belly. For me, each morning when leaving and afternoon when coming home from work, I would give my two girls a kiss and my boy a love pat. Jen and I would often talk about him and to him. He was apart of our every day life. Indeed, God allowed each day with our son to be a sweet blessing.

Family and Friends, we cannot express to you our appreciation. You have displayed the Gospel to our family well. From the moment we knew about Wesley Adam’s diagnosis you have loved us by standing firmly by our side and bearing our burden with us… you stood on the truths that you confess… even when it hurt you to do so,

You were faithful to bathe us in Scripture that promised God’s goodness.

You were faithful to pray for us each time the Lord brought us to your mind.

You were faithful to send emails and letters, which God used to encourage our hearts.

You were faithful to feed us when food was the last thing on our mind.

you were faithful to dedicate yourselves before God, Jenny and me, and each other to walk this road with us…. And you have.

Redeemer body, you were faithful to walk with us in Christian love. Elders, you were faithful to James 5 and anointed Jenny’s head with oil and prayed for healing for our son. Because of your faithfulness to the Lord He has been glorified.

31 weeks in his mother’s womb was all the time the Lord gave us this side of eternity with Wesley Adam. But, those 31 weeks were used for God’s glory. God changed us and I trust He changed many of you. God touched the lives of people we don’t even know. By His grace and for His glory He continues to use the life and death of Wesley Adam to mold and shape others and us into the image of Himself. God is using a little boy with an under-developed brain who never even took a breath for His Kingdom purposes. No doubt, Wesley Adam Mills, Jr. is one of if not the most precious gift the Lord has ever given my family and me. Thank you, Lord.

We long for the day when You will return and make all things new, including the resurrected body of our son. Until that day, please spend our family for Your glory. To You alone be all the glory, forever and ever. Amen."

6 Year Anniversary.

We bear the light of the Son of Man

So there is nothing left to fear

So I will walk with you in the shadowlands

Until the shadows disappear

Because He promised not to leave us

And His promises are true

So in the face of this chaos

I can dance with you.

And we are dancing in the minefields

we are sailing in the storm

This is harder than we dreamed

But I believe that is what the promise is for.

Happy 6th Anniversary!

Dancing in the Minefields by Andrew Peterson

31 Perfect Weeks

On Monday, we went to see our ob/gyn. Because of all of the events of the weekend, we were glad they were able to get us an appointment. We sat in our nurses office and through tears caught her up on all of the details.
I had shared with Wes a day earlier, that Wesley Adam had not been moving much, if any at all. I had been on pain medicine because of the intense contractions
so we were hoping he was sleeping.
We went into the ultrasound room in hopes of getting a picture of our sweet boy
and to check his heartbeat.
The doctor was unable to get a good picture because of the Polyhydramnios-extra amniotic fluid due to not being able to swallow.
He also told us he was unable to find a heartbeat.

On Monday, November 22, 2010 Wesley Adam Mills, Jr. went to be with his Maker.
He lived 31 weeks in his mother's womb.
He was a good gift from the Lord.
The Lord was glorified and blessed many through his life and death. To God be all the glory.
Funeral: 10a.m. Saturday at Redeemer Church, 126 N. Judd, White Settlement, Texas 76108
Memorials: In lieu of flowers, a donation may be made to the Raimi Adoption Fund at Redeemer Church.
Survivors: Parents Wes and Jenny Mills; sister, Aubri Mills; paternal grandfather, Tony Mills and wife, Candice; Vickie Ramsey and husband, Ron; and maternal grandparents, Mike and Pam Carroll.

The facts.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of events and emotion. Wednesday night I began to experience pretty strong contractions that continued most of the day on Thursday. I called our nurse and she told me if we had another night like Wednesday night, we should go into the hospital to get evaluated.

Well, we were up most of the night Thursday night just hoping to make it until morning. Friday morning finally came. We made arrangements for a dear friend to come over to our house to watch Aubri and we went to the hospital.

Once at the hospital, we saw on the monitor that my contractions were regular and about 3-4 minutes apart. I had no sign of dilation so they determined that I was not in "active labor." I was given medicine to slow my contractions and pain medicine. I was sent home with contractions 5-6 minutes apart, but they were much more tolerable.

I slept most of the evening and through the night on Friday. On Saturday, I began running a fever. After talking to the on-call doctor, we decided to try and rest as much as possible. He gave us signs to watch for that indicated the need for immediate medical attention. The signs never presented themselves and my fever broke in the middle of the night. Thank you, Lord.

We are planning to go to our ob/gyn tomorrow and hopefully get a sonogram. Please pray for our hearts as we go tomorrow. The Lord willing, we will be able to get some answers to the contractions and fever, and check for dilation.

As you may suspect, this week/weekend has brought on much emotion. This part of our storm is very rough. I know this post simply provides the facts and leaves out many details of how we are dealing with all of the unknown. That day of sharing will come.
Today we are concentrating on our God. He is enough. He is good. And though at times we feel much hurt, the Lord never forsakes. He is always faithful. His grace is always sufficient. And by His grace, we trust in Him.

Kaden Wesley

Jenny and James are some of our best friends.
James works with Wes, and through our husbands Jenny and I have become close friends. They have been Aubri's babysitter the few times she has needed one, and Bri has become very fond of them...especially her "Dames".

They, too, are expecting a little boy in January. It has been fun being pregnant along side one of my best friends- to talk about all the woes of pregnancy, all of the excitement and anxieties, and about each doctor's visit.

A few months ago, James came to Wes and asked if it would be okay to give their son the middle name Wesley, in honor of our son, Wesley Adam. He told Wes that whatever the outcome is regarding our son, they would share with their son, Kaden Wesley, how the Lord used Wesley Adam to bring glory to Himself.

We were then, and continue to be humbled by their idea
And so very excited that the story the Lord is knitting together in our son
will be told through the life of another child.
To God be the glory, forever and ever, Amen.

Kaden and WA

30 week appointment

We had our 30 week ob/gyn appointment yesterday. I have always loved going to these appointments and yesterday was no different.
Our nurse is wonderful. I don't remember if I mentioned this before or not, but she loves the Lord so much. The week after we found out about Wesley Adam's diagnosis, she called twice to tell me that she was praying for our family and to encourage us in the Lord.
When we saw her yesterday, she did the same thing. It is a wonderful blessing to have a nurse that is walking through this with us as our sister in Christ.

We heard Wesley Adam's heartbeat. It sounds great.
It was about 145 beats per minutes, which is a strong healthy heartbeat.

He is kicking, hard. He is much more active in womb than Aubri ever was. I feel like his little personality and his strength are so different than his sister's. Aubri is so girly and delicate and WA is, well... such the little boy.

Our next visit, the Thursday after Thanksgiving, we will get to have another ultrasound! Yay!
I am really hoping for some clear pictures. The pictures we have from our specialist appointment are great to have, but they aren't very clear.

Alright...here ya go...Wesley Adam at 30 weeks.

Recluse.

I have been a bit of a recluse the past few weeks. Thankfully, it has been for good reasons.

2 weeks ago,
Bri and I started potty training.
Yes, I say, both Bri and I. It took every bit of energy I had to train myself to be by her side at ALL times. It was a time of striving for discipline, patience, and endurance, but I can say now 2 1/2 weeks later, we have persevered. We are not completely trained yet, but many days go by without an accident. And to me, that is success.
I don't know which thrills Wes more, the fact that Bri is now a big girl or how much money we are saving now that we don't have to buy anymore diapers!

Last week,
Bri, Wesley Adam, and I headed to Arkansas to see family to give Wes some uninterrupted work time. He had a big paper due yesterday. (Which is why I am just now getting to post-he was holding the computer hostage.)
We had fun visiting all of the Bri and Wesley Adam's grandparents and a few aunts and uncles, too.
While we were visiting Nana and Ops, Aunt Ashley took a few vacation days from work and met us in Fort Smith for some MUCH needed girl time. Thank you, Ashley, for making the trip! I have missed you so much!
Aunt Ashley and Uncle Ben were determined to feel Wesley Adam kick.
And he didn't let them down!

This week,
Bri was diagnosed with Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. Poor baby.
Per doctors orders, we are now forced to hibernate until this highly contagious virus runs its course.
As I was driving Bri to the pediatrician yesterday, I was thinking that this was becoming a way too frequent occurrence. I began to count all the times since Wesley Adam's diagnosis that Bri has had to go to the doctor. I relate it back to his diagnosis because every time Bri gets sick, I think to myself "now, both my children are sick...".
It is a battle of my mind.
I have been reading Elizabeth George's "Loving God With All Your Mind". I bought it a few weeks before we found out about our little guy's disease, and it couldn't be more timely. It is a book about training yourself to take your thoughts captive-not to think about all the "what if's" or "what could have been's" but to "think on what is true" Phil. 4:8
My Aunt Barbara said it well when she said "we are not going to fill today with lots of tears and sadness because the Bible tells us to live each day for today and not worry about tomorrow. And today, Wesley Adam is alive, growing, and kicking and for that we are grateful."
Thank you, Lord, for speaking wisdom to me through my Aunt Barbara.

We have our next ob/gyn appointment on Tuesday. We are always excited to get a check-up on how WA is growing. And growing he is. My belly is getting HUGE! I think I am already as big as I was in my 9th month with Aubri. Aubri has really started noticing how big I am getting. She talks about bubba all the time. She has started saying "Lotion Bubba?" And she will help me rub lotion on my tummy. She is such a sweet big sister.

Now that a paper is turned in, we are through traveling, and hopefully, all on the mend. We are looking forward to some quality family time in the days ahead!
(Before the next paper is due...)

Family update.

It has been a joy to have the privilege of praying for the few of you that shared your requests with us. Thank you for sharing and the offer still stands, we would love to pray for you as you are praying for us.

Since it has been a while since my last post, I thought I would share some pictures to catch y'all up.

Bri, Wesley Adam, Nana, and I loaded up and took a flight to visit my mom's sister and her family. My cousin, Anna, had baby Silas in July and we couldn't wait to get our hands on him.

My Aunt Barbara with Silas, my mom with Bri, and my cousin, Anna


We had to make a much needed trip to the Gap to get Anna her post-pregnancy "in between" jeans. We were all feeling a bit "tired" so we took a breather while she was in the dressing room.

While in Cali, we headed for the pumpkin patch.

Me and my precious babies.

Train ride around the pumpkin farm.

My cousin, Taylor, surprised us with some handmade paintings.
I couldn't wait to get back to Texas to show Wes. Thanks, Tay!

While we were gone to California, Wes used his time to work on papers and sermons. He has a busy schedule the next few weeks, please pray for continued endurance and discipline for him.

This past Saturday, Arkansas played Texas A&M.
Some of our family joined us for the weekend and we all headed to the game to cheer the hogs to a victory! Woo Pig Sooie!

Pre-game photo


Ok, so, I have never considered myself a "germ-a-phobe" but when it comes to mall play areas, I have always been a little leery. However, Bri and I stopped by for a few minutes this past week, and I realized it's not so bad. It was fairly clean, it was not overly crowded with kids, and Bri LOVED it.


Here are a few pictures of our family entering a couple new stages...

We aren't full blown potty training just yet,
but we are getting the needed supplies and giving it a few practice tries.
So far, she likes it.


Bri's big girl bedding has been ordered, her new bed rail has been bought, and she will be moving into her big girl bed soon!
I am loving, loving, loving redecorating and rearranging her room!

We have decided not to prepare a nursery for Wesley Adam at this time. If the Lord heals his body and he gets to come home from the hospital, we (and all of our family and friends) will make his nursery welcoming to him at that time. However, with Aubri in a transition stage, the Lord has been so merciful to give me her room to prepare for her. The Lord's timing is great and I am so thankful for that.

Also...

I have started swelling...
What a joy!
No, seriously, I really am joyous about this!
I love feeling pregnant. This is my time with my son and I am loving every minute of it.
I am thankful for all the aches and pains, the sleepless nights, the many impromptu trips to the bathroom, and the swollen feet.
I am especially thankful for the stretch marks that Wesley Adam is leaving on my belly.
He has already made quite the mark in my heart
and now he is leaving his marks on my tummy as well.
Thank you, God, for this special pregnancy.

Prayers.

I know that I say this a lot, but I cannot express enough how THANKFUL we are for your prayers. The Lord uses your faithfulness to keep our hearts from becoming overwhelmed.
Psalm 61:1-2
"O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer!
From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart
is overwhelmed. "

The Lord is growing our prayer lives significantly through this trial. He is conforming our hearts to depend on and be near to Him in our times of trouble. Recently, though, we have been convicted that we are in desperate need of Him all the time. If our prayer life is consistent, our hearts are near the Lord, and we are dependent upon Him during joyous times, then our initial response during trials will be to cling to Him as well.

This seems simple enough, huh?
But, why is it so hard? Why is my initial response to trial is to call upon my husband, my parents, or my friends? We are thankful for this trial for many reasons, one being that the Lord is using it to transform our hearts to realize our need to remain steadfast in our prayer life, regardless of circumstance.

Wes, Bri, Wesley Adam and I traveled to Arkansas this past weekend. We visited family and friends and used the Razorback tickets my parents gave me for my birthday. It was encouraging to spend time with fellow believers who love the Lord and our family. We also had a wonderful time taking Wesley Adam to his first Razorback football game!


As much as I loathe the 5 hour drive to Arkansas, I am grateful for the uninterrupted conversation that I have with Wes. We share our hearts, we talk about what the Lord is doing in our lives, we talk about our uncertain future, we joke, and we laugh. It makes the drive fun.
On this particular trip, we were talking about all of your prayers. Our hearts were encouraged, but also became burdened for you. We want to return the blessing and intercede before the throne of grace on your behalf.
If you have a prayer request that you would like to share or even an "unspoken", please post a comment or email me at jmills1104@yahoo.com and allow us to pray for you.
It would bring us great joy.

James 5

James 5:14-15
"Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up."

In accordance with James 5, the elders of our church asked us if they could pray for healing over Wesley Adam. So, today, after church we met with them to pray.
They placed oil on my forehead, while acknowledging that it has no healing power but the power rests with the Lord.
They each said a prayer asking for miraculous healing. Healing that would take place, not for pride in our prayers, not for our comfort, but for the power of God to be displayed.
All Glory To God.

I had text messaged my mom and dad yesterday, letting them know about our scheduled meeting with the elders. Today, my mom called as we were headed home from church to tell us that my dad had sent our text message to family and friends. He asked them to pray at 12:15 today, knowing that would be about the time we were meeting with the elders. This is just another example of how so many people are daily praying for the healing of Wesley Adam. The testimony of believers across the country praying specifically for the healing of our son is humbling. We are so blessed and thankful for each and every prayer.

Update on my little ones.

I was a bit anxious Thursday morning as I was getting ready to go to the doctor because I had yet to feel Wesley Adam kick. I was comforted through so many emails, prayers, and the Lord's Word, that by God's amazing grace, I was able to overcome the anxiety before we got to the doctor. That is my desire- to not put my hope in Wesley Adam's kicks but in our Sovereign Lord Jesus.

The Lord has given us a great nurse/doctor team. We are so thankful for them. They, both, love the Lord and are very supportive in our decision to carry to term. They told us over and over at our appointment that they are on board with all our decisions from this point on- whether that be c-section v. vbac, the manual breaking of my water, certain medications, how to handle pre-term labor, ect. It is wonderful to have the freedom to follow the will of the Lord without having to worry if that contradicts doctor's orders.

Our doctor gave us a few scenarios to think and pray through. He wants us to be prepared so that if these scenarios come to fruition, we don't have to panic but will know our decision beforehand. Please pray that we would be sensitive and have discernment to follow the Lord's guidance.

Wesley Adams's heartbeat continues to be strong and I am measuring right on target. We are so thankful that our little guy continues to grow and seems to be doing well. We long for the day we see him face to face. We love him more with each passing moment. Thank you Lord for our precious son.

23 weeks

Now on to the big sis. Aubri is doing very well. She loves her bubba very much and talks about him and prays for him daily. She continues to be a blessing as she pushes us to stay focused on the tasks the Lord has given us to raise her according to His will and to teach her His Word.


Aubri's newest thing is changing her doll babies' diapers. I can't tell you how many diapers those babies go through in a day. But, just like any good mother, Aubri doesn't seem too bothered by all the dirty diapers and goes ahead and changes her babies over, and over, and over again.

Bri is still seeing ECI twice a month and we are very encouraged by her speech development. She is in the fun copy cat stage, where she tries to say just about anything we ask her to. By her doing this she has started saying so many more words consistently. Our newest favorite is "God". It is so precious to hear her talk about our Savior. Also, she has started putting a few 2 word phrases together-"Big Sis", "Bye-bye Da-da", and "New Shoes".

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family.

Guaranteed victory.

We will proceed with seeing our original ob/gyn on a normal schedule. This month's appointment is scheduled for Thursday. That means it has been almost one month since we found out about Wesley Adam's diagnosis.

How have we managed to endure and live each day
for an entire month?

By ourselves...
We couldn't.

But, by God's grace...
We have and will continue.
He is with us every step.
He is pouring out His promises on us every morning.
Thank you, precious Lord Jesus.
We are so undeserving.

Please pray for me.
I am battling fear.
At times during my pregnancy with Aubri, I battled this same thing. This pregnancy, it has escalated. Is he moving today? Is he ok? What will the doctor tell us?

I am praying for my thoughts to be taken captive. Wes and I have are posting Scriptures around our home to encourage us to "not to worry" and "fear not". We ask you to join in prayer as we battle.

We are in Christ. We will boast in Him. He has guaranteed victory in this war.
Pray that through His power, we will win this battle.

Joy.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3

Wes and I have been talking about these verses for years. Recently, they have taken on a whole new meaning. I have never faced any sort of trial or tragedy that caused me to really search for the Lord's joy. I am searching now. I admit, that these verses are very hard for me to really understand. Pure joy? Really? I have some joy but I also have so much heartache and pain. Pure joy has not yet been found. I trust the Lord. I trust His word and I am longing for pure joy.

Each day that I spend in God's word, He gives me joy. Each day I have been able to experience His joy in a little different way than the day before.

Today it looked like this:

-I woke up to drizzling rain. It was a beautiful sound that was accompanied shortly, by my sweet girl's call for "Ma-ma" on the monitor.

-My husband was an encouragement to me as he prayed for me before he went to work.

-I enjoyed a morning with Wes's sister, Erica, and our niece, Blake. Erica is on her maternity leave and has come to stay with us. We are loving their company.

-I reread several encouraging cards that we have received the past few weeks. It is so comforting to have these. I am planning on making a scrapbook of Wesley Adam's life to record all the people that have touched our lives and all the lives that he has touched.

- As I was rereading the cards, Wesley Adam started loving on his mommy by giving me some kicks! This must be the absolute best feeling. It brings a smile to my face every time.

-Erica and I enjoyed the sunshine this afternoon and took our babies on a walk around the seminary campus. We checked the mail and I received 3 more encouraging cards. Thank you so much for continuing to petition to our great God on our behalf.

-Aubri has started saying "Bub-ba" and she loves to kiss and point to my belly.

I look forward to the new joys the Lord will bring tomorrow.
I trust in His promises and know that through Him pure joy will come.

Overwhelmed.

Over the past 10 days, we have been completely overwhelmed as our sisters and brothers in Christ have poured out love, encouragement, joy, tears, and prayers for our family. Wes and I, both, have received an abundance of emails, phone calls, letters, text messages, facebook messages and wall posts, and blog comments that have ministered to our faith in a powerful way. Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you as a tool to comfort and encourage us during this valley. We are witnessing the gospel played out and played out well on our behalf- and it is glorious!

"Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."
1 Thessalonians 5:11

This past Sunday, our church had a dedication service for Wesley Adam. We were approached about a week ago, asking if we would be willing to share with our church Wesley Adam's diagnosis, our journey this far, how we are spiritually and emotionally, and how they can be praying for us. The road the Lord has given us to walk is a seemingly overwhelming one. We were comforted as our family, care group, and entire church made the verbal commitment to us that we do not have to make this journey alone.

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 5:16

"And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must love his brother."

1 John 4:21

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, ' therefore I will hope in him.' " Lamentations 3:22-24

Thank you our dear brothers and sisters for obeying the Lord's commands. Your obedience comforts us and we are overwhelmed by your love.

Prepared hearts.

Long before our Thursday appointment, the Lord had begun preparing our hearts to hear the news of our son. Let me share a few of the ways He did.

Wes had been asked to preach in our church this coming Sunday and he had been praying through a few different texts to decide which one to preach. He had been walking me through each one as a time of family worship as well as getting some feedback on my thoughts. The texts that the Lord had laid on his heart were:
James 1:2-4 - the theology of trials
Hebrews 4:1-11 - there is rest available for those who respond in obedience to God's Word
Matthew 14:22-33 - the confession that Jesus is the Son of God should result in worship

Our hearts were prepared.

I am in a weekly book study that is currently studying "Lord, I Want to Know You" by Kay Arthur. We have been on the same 2 chapters for almost a month, due to having to cancel for different reasons-vacations, family, etc. I must admit, I had read and reread those 2 chapters for several weeks now and was VERY ready to move on. We had been studying the names "Jehovah-Shalom"- The Lord is Peace and "Jehovah-mekoddishkem"- The Lord who sanctifies you. The Lord knew that I needed to really know Him as my God of Peace and my God that sanctifies before Thursday. We discussed these on Tuesday.

Our hearts were prepared.

During Thursday's sonogram, our sonographer stepped out to "go get some more tape" and our nurse popped in the exam room. She was a little confused because she was told by the sonographer that she needed to meet in our room with our doctor, but no one was in the room but us. When she told us this, we knew something was up. She left the room to find out more information. We were given a small window of time to pray.

Our hearts were prepared.

Driving home from the sonogram appointment, Wes and I were crying and mumbling random thoughts back and forth to each other trying to make sense of the situation we had just been faced with. When all the sudden, we heard an angel from the backseat. "Mom-ma" "Mom-ma." At that precious moment, our heads cleared and the Lord used our sweet daughter to comfort us from her carseat.

Our hearts were prepared.

Friday, Wes and I woke up early and spent some time praying. We were both checking emails as so many friends and family had sent prayers and encouraging words. Wes decided to check facebook messages. A friend of his that didn't even know our current situation had posted a link by John Piper. Wes, thinking this would be nice diversion from the situation, said "Let's see what Piper says about the prosperity gospel...", with a smile on his face.



Our hearts were prepared.

On Thursday, we were hit by a blow that will forever change our lives....And we thank Him that our hearts were prepared.

Wesley Adam Mills, Jr.

We are proud to announce that we have a little boy, Wesley Adam Mills, Jr. His little body is growing and he has a very strong heartbeat and for that we are so very thankful. Please remember this and rejoice with us as you continue reading.

We headed to our 18 week check-up, on Thursday, with high excitement as we were hoping to find out the gender and get to see pictures of our sweet baby. We left with much different feelings...

During our routine sonogram (our first one for this pregnancy) we found out that our little boy has a birth defect, Anencephaly. Basically, this means that the portion of the neural tube that forms the brain does not close. Consequently, infants with this condition lack parts of their brain, skull, and scalp. They are often born without a forebrain and a cerebrum. Life outside the womb is suspected to be minutes.

Our hearts are broken.

And yet, we are fighting for joy.
Joy that the Lord most graciously gives.
"I will be filled with joy because of You. I will sing praises to Your name, O Most High."
Psalm 9:2

While medical practitioners have diagnosed Wesley Adam with a defect, diagnoses are sometimes wrong. Even if it is accurate, we serve the Creator, Sustainer, and Healer of life. He can change these circumstances if it is His will.

We don't know how long the Lord will give our Wesley Adam life, but we will carry our child as long as He gives. We know that the weeks ahead of us will be full of times of sorrow but full of times of joy as well.

Let us pray for the Lord’s will to be done and make the request for healing an urgent one. We pray in faith that God will accomplish His purposes even if the outcome is different than we would script it to be. It is our hearts deepest desire and we pray that the Lord will use Wesley Adam and his story to turn other people's affections toward our Almighty God.

Please join us in these prayers.

Back by popular demand.

I have had a few people tell me that they enjoyed using my recipe blog that I started over a year ago. I had removed it from this page since I had not been frequently updating it. It is now accessible on the right sidebar of this page. I hope to begin updating it again shortly. Enjoy!

Dr. appt, new niece, and a wedding.

Last Thursday, Bri had an appointment with her pediatric urologist to check for scarring on her kidneys. It has been a year since her last UTI and so we were hopeful for a positive report. We got it!! The dr. said her kidneys were clear! We are very thankful!

Last Wednesday, we got a phone call that said that Wes's sister, Erica, had gone into labor. Praise the Giver of Life! Erica welcomed Blake Addison into the world at 12:30 pm! We couldn't hardly wait to get to Arkansas to hold this precious baby! Erica and Blake are both home and doing well.

Blake, just minutes old.

First feeding.

Momma and Blake

All dolled up!

While we were home visiting the new baby, we also had a wedding to attend! My cousin, Jay, was getting married to a wonderful girl, Christa. Christa is from Greenwood, just a few minutes from Fort Smith, so all the family joined up at my parents house for the big celebration. Lots of laughs, lots of tears, and lots of fun was had.

While in FS we also had the opportunity to show off Bri's walking skills to her grandparents. They were so proud! I didn't get many pictures but here are a few...

Check out her new 'BIG SISTER' shirt!